Can You Be Too Patient?

Analyzing my tendency towards endless patience

I was waiting at Sonic the other day with my daughter in the car. I like to have her come on little errands with me, and we had been sent by my wife to retrieve some Happy-Hour priced drinks and an ice cream.

My daughter was watching a cartoon on the built in tv in the van, so she was occupied. I was mindlessly scrolling Facebook as I tend to do. Suddenly, she broke her usual character and said,

“Why is it taking so long?”

This was unusual because typically if she’s watching something, or along for a ride with me, time is of no concern. She’s just happy to be along. I glanced at my watch. It had been about 10 minutes since placing an order in the app.

The screen to my left showed it still “In the kitchen.” I’ve noticed with the Sonic app that the trade off for getting 1/2 price drinks any time of day, is they must have some sort of lower prioritization because it does usually take a couple of minutes extra for your order. But, 10–15 minute was unusual for sure, as there weren’t that many cars near us.

Finally, a high-school aged boy brought out the tray with what would be my Diet Dr. Pepper with Vanilla, Kid size sprite for daughter, and Snickers blast for my wife. Well, that’s what should have been there anyway.

All I actually spotted was my large drink and the kid size drink. No ice cream in sight.

As an aside, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the service industry. I can only imagine how many rude people they have to deal with daily, and I certainly don’t want to add myself to that list.

He apologized and went back inside to retrieve the missing ice cream. It was about this time I took a sip of my Diet Dr. pepper with vanilla, and tasted a decidedly “Root-beery” flavor.

Oh the humanity! Not only had they forgot our ice cream, but I received an incorrect drink.

Some of you at this point would be on the phone with corporate calling for the firing of the high school boy, but I don’t play that way.

About this time, my daughter chimed in again asking what was taking so long. I explained to her that sometimes the people making our food may mix something up, or get the order wrong. I told her he went to get the ice cream that was missing, and that I was going to need him to swap out my drink now as well.

I could sense some 4-year old frustration building, so I figured it may be a good teaching moment.

“You know,” I began, “a lot of people would be really upset at the guy who brought our order right now. But, we don’t know what kind of day he had, or if the mix up was even his fault. So, we’re not going to be upset with him, we’ll just ask him kindly to correct the order. We can be patient, there’s no hurry.”

She seemed to understand by the look in her eyes. The poor guy came back with the ice cream, only for me to have to send him back for my drink — for which I felt slightly bad since I like Root beer enough that I could have survived drinking it.

But, he seemed eager to help, and apologized for the mix up.

“No worries at all,” I made sure to say. “thanks for getting it fixed.”

In the grand scheme of my life, an extra 10–15 minutes waiting for a food order is not a justifiable reason to scold or otherwise dehumanize the high school kid working at Sonic.

Now, I realize that when you pay for a service, you do expect a level of accuracy with that. And, likely, that would be the argument some would make with me to justify the occasional lashing out at service workers. But, I don’t buy it.

I’m a patient guy in most scenarios, this was just one example. But, I want my daughter to grow up patient as well. Unless there’s an emergency and we’re driving to the ER stuck behind a slow car, there aren’t that many “Waiting” scenarios in life worth getting upset about. Certainly, not many worth ever yelling at someone about.

But, does that make me too patient?

My wife would be the first to admit patience is the least of her virtues. And, while she’s not the type to yell at a service worker, she certainly would not have endured such a delay as comfortably as I did. Perhaps, it’s because my iPhone was with me, and I had something to do. Would I be less patient if I didn’t have a form of entertainment with me?

I remember waiting in lines as a child at amusement parks, but I don’t recall ever getting too upset about it. Perhaps my dad can correct me if I’m remembering wrong.

Working in an environment which deals with customers myself, I certainly understand how anticipation can sometimes counteract the ability to be patient. When I speak to someone about a product they ordered, and there truly is nothing left to do but wait for it, it’s hard for them to find the silver lining. I try to at least lighten the mood a bit.

I’ve tested a line on a few folks for fun,

“I definitely understand. Like Tom Petty said ‘the waiting is the hardest part’.”

It has gone over quite a few heads, surprisingly, as I thought more Tom Petty fans existed out there. Maybe it wasn’t one of his more popular songs. Or, maybe, they’re not in the mood for a joke. Though, I’ve had a few respond positively.

I get it, and I don’t like to wait for things that I’m excited to receive. But, I also understand, that much of life is built around waiting. The immediate gratification we are conditioned to so easily these days, is still not really the norm. My daughter can tap a few buttons on an iPad and be watching a show in seconds. I had to rewind the Blockbuster video that someone forgot to rewind before I could play a VHS tape. Then, I had to fast forward through the black screen, the FBI warning, the previews, and more title screens to finally reach the feature presentation. Quite a gap there in how we watch movies now. Maybe that’s how I learned patience …

But, the movie is still enjoyable.

My grandpa always cooked with the method of starving the guests so that the food tasted better. My dad adopted this philosophy as well. There may be something to it, though. When we’ve nearly reached our last ounce of patience and a delicious meal is finally ready for consumption, doesn’t it seem to taste just a bit better?

I like being patient. I don’t mind a bit of waiting, though I am also pleasantly surprised when things occur faster than expected too.

I mention this mostly because I want to raise my daughter with patience, but common sense too. Is there a point at which being patient begins to contradict common sense? How long should I have waited for my two drinks and ice cream at Sonic? Should I have sped off in anger at the first sight of something wrong after 15 minutes of waiting? Or, was patiently waiting for the correct items ultimately worth it? After all, I still received what I ordered. It just came with a little bit of extra time spent parked at Sonic, and a potential life lesson to teach my daughter about how to be kind to others, even if we’re losing some patience in a situation. Certainly, that’s worth a small wait.